If Wishes Were Fishes

As we start into a new year, I am starting on a new adventure. I've been out of the blogging world for a while because of personal drama, and it's time for me to take back my life and get back to being who I enjoy being. I enjoy thinking and writing and sharing, and even if no one reads the blog, it's cathartic to me and that makes it enough of a good thing.

Of the 3-5 people who read the blog, if any of you still pay enough attention to see this post, probably all of you know that my marriage has broken. We will sign dissolution papers on Jan 4, and about a month after that we'll appear before a judge and it will all be over. I have other venues for working through most of those emotions and memories and all of those things. I have always wanted this blog to be about making lists to help me remember important things. In the past I've listed what has made me happy, what I need to do, what I dislike, what I'm thinking, etc. Tonight, while the clock turns us over into day 2 of 2012, I am going to list . . .

Lessons I've Learned in 2011

• Divorce is more like a funeral than a fight. It's more about mourning the loss of something and someone you had or thought you had figured out, and the stark terror of having to be single again.
• I am smarter than I realize.
• I have been an enabler, but I can change.
• I am stronger than I think I am, and I should not discount all of the things that I (and God) have already come through. Those trials have strengthened me, and my faith.
• We have a big God, and He loves each of us enough to allow us to learn from our own mistakes.
• The house doesn't have to be clean to be appropriate for company. It's our hearts that welcome them, not the lack of clutter and dust bunnies.
• Friends and family are truly the greatest treasure a person can ever have.
• I have more friends, who care more about me than I ever realized.
• It is very hard to ask for help, but it is even harder to try to do things without help.
• Wishing is great, but DOING is even more important.
  

I was reading Neil Gaiman's journal on Saturday, and he wrote a marvelous post about his wishes for the new year. He ends with this:

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

And that, my friends, is what I wish for you and myself as well. I plan to make glorious, amazing mistakes this year. Thanks for coming along for the ride!

I'll leave you with a great Sesame Street Classic: