Friday, May 25, 2012

Getting By

Firstly, I notice that my Reading Challenge 2012 widget isn't working for me.  On my computer, when this page comes up it says I've read 0 books in 2012.  This is patently untrue!  I have, in fact, read 69 books!  I started with a goal of 100 for the  year, but I've increased my goal to 120 just to see if I can reach it.  So, regardless of what that dratted widget may say - I AM READING!  Well, listening to audio books, at least.  Reading some.

Sometimes life is very hard.  Divorce is very hard.  Dealing with lies, betrayal, adjusting to being a single mom, handling finances alone, trying to make ends meet, being the only grown-up in the house, all of that - very hard.  Sometimes, I have to be honest, I just sit down and weep for a while.  It sucks.  But today, in the pit of depression, losing my cool in a big way, I realized that I have lots of friends.  I have people I can call.  I didn't know who to call to talk about my woes, because frankly, I feel all talked out.  Everyone knows my situation is complicated, and I know that there are any number of people who will help if I have specific needs.  What I realized today is that I needed to stop spiraling into my own depression and think about someone else.  I called a friend who is going through a really hard life thing, and I asked her how she is doing.  And you know what?  I felt so much better.  She  talked to me, I talked to her, and there you go - we were both a little better than before. 

Now - I need to remember to keep that lesson and act on it again.  And again.  And again.  Just because I'm in tough circumstances doesn't mean I can't still be a loving, caring friend.  It's totally win-win.

Maybe tomorrow I'll try getting some housework done and see how that does at improving my mood.


Ellen said...

Oh, Fith, I am sorry to hear that you are facing that "the Black Dog" of depression as Winston Churchill called it. I understand that even if I can't know everything that you are going through.

I've read about Churchill's fight where his biographer wrote that "the demons of certain historical figures become angels for the rest of us, since they impel their sufferers to rise above themselves."

It sounds like your solution - talking to friends - is helping you to rise "above" as well.

As for housework, I've taken to listening to podcasts while cleaning - then at least I feel like I accomplish something!

Cat Fithian said...

Thanks, Ellen. The idea of rising above helps, as does the podcast idea. I'll have to give that a go!